How Lucky I am to Be a Dog
by John Simon
How lucky I am to be a dog
that has an owner that likes to jog.
Each morning we wake at 6 O’clock
And together we run around 12 city blocks.
My owner has a very poor sense of time
So I must wake him to jog with a bark and a whine.
I then go get my leash while he puts on his clothes.
And I kiss him good morning with my big cold wet nose.
Then were ready to run so we open the door.
The weather looks great; there’s so much to explore.
My owner runs slowly, so I must pull him along.
He tires quite easily — He’s not very strong.
His problem, of course, is the way that he stands
His short front legs wave in the air while each back leg lands.
I love to go jogging because there so many great smells.
But my owner can’t smell them, his smeller’s not well.
I make sure that I always run with my nose to the ground
So I can suck up every great smell, as I nose all around.
Sometimes when were running I just have go bad
So I stop, lift my leg and my owner gets mad.
I then give him a look that says “Hey if you had to go
I’d stop until you finished or I’d just run very slow.”
Sometimes as were running other dogs come to see
Who’s running by their house or whose watering their tree.
Then I wave with my tail; there’s no time to sniff them hello
Cause my owner and I must keep on the go.
I must watch out for big cars that drive by very fast,
Cause we both could get hit and this jog be our last.
There are times when we were out and see dogs with no owners.
Humans call them strays but I call them loaners.
Sometimes while were running I see a cat or a squirrel
and I want to go chase it like a boy does a girl
But I have learned to stay close by my owners side
so no stranger will stop and offer my owner a ride.
If a stranger comes toward us and gets very near
I bare my teeth, give a growl and watch him run off in fear.
Though my master is well trained and will go where I go
He sometimes resists —He just sometimes says NO !
To make him obey I pretend to be just a dumb clod.
He must never find out that “dog’ backwards spells “God”.
All dogs have learned something they don’t want humans to know.
The trick is letting humans think that they run the show.